Intelligender...You Suck!!

I love ultrasounds. There is nothing quite as satisfying as being able to sneek a peek inside your wife's womb and see exactly who is growing in there. Especially with the 3D technology that gives you an actual picture of your baby. I need to give a big thank you to Prenatal Peek in Santa Rosa for giving us the opportunity to see that...I am having a boy!!!

Thats right. I know what you read earlier, and I bought into it too, but without a doubt my new child is a bouncing baby boy. He might have been a little pissed that I thought I was having a girl because he was sitting back as spread eagle as he could be when the 3D image popped up on the monitor. Hanging out for all to see.

So that brings me to this crap product that not once, but twice led my wife and I to believe that we were having a daughter. Stay away from it. I don't know what is really in the box, but it sure doesn't predict your future children. Which sucks because I became convinced that I was having a girl, partly due to these "tests." Now everyone is wondering if I'm disappointed and I am not. I am extremely happy to be having another son. So is my wife, we are just thrilled to know and see that it looked like a happy healthy little future person growing in there.

I will say that seeing him for the first time on that monitor makes me anxious for him to get here. I can't wait to meet that lil guy.

Mystery of Lake Consequence

I don't even know how to start this one...

I guess I'll start at the beginning. A couple of weeks ago I moved our Wii into the bedroom so that we could take advantage of the Netflix streaming that is included in the account. I have to recommend using the Wii to stream Netflix if you have them. I find the quality is good and Netflix is adding new titles to stream all the time. Won't be too long til streaming makes DVD's as relevant as records, 8 tracks, and VHS. One of the best things about using Netflix streaming is that Robby can watch kids stuff and I don't have to hear the same videos over and over and over and over again. There are quite a few titles for children to choose from, so it really is a sanity saver.

Anyway, I also have been using the new Netflix app on my iPhone. Again I am really surprised at how well Netflix has made this product. Only drawback that I have found is that you have to have a decent connection for decent streaming. I've been using this quite a bit at work when the rest of the shift is watching something that I don't care for. Works awesome!

There is another instrument in this story and that is the iPad. One of the firefighters on my shift has an iPad and we signed in my account onto it to see how well the iPad app worked, just like everything else...great. Well he didn't ever sign my account out and has just been able to watch shows on it using my account.

So now this is where it is going to get complicated.

I was at work and was using my iPhone Netflix app when I noticed a title in the recently watched section that I didn't recognize. Apparently Lake Consequence is a story of a "repressed housewife that develops an erotic infatuation with a local landscaper in a soft-core sensual drama that will get your blood pumping." That is directly from the description on the site. Naturally I assumed that my firefighter was in his room enjoying some skinamax on my (and my wife's) Netflix account.

Now I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything. So I share what I have just discovered with my engineer to see if my theory makes sense to him. Of course it did. Both of us now think that our firefighter is a fan of the skin flick. Being firefighters, and sensitive to each others feelings we made every attempt to delicately approach the subject...like a grenade thrown into a commercial chicken coup. It got messy. Accusations were stated, gestures were made, and denials were steadfast. Of course the firefighter is going to deny watching porn at work, nothing good can come from that. He was really adamant that he didn't do it though.

That means my wife!!!!

When I go to work and am putting my life on the line she is at home watching this trash and wanting some ripped, sweaty, exotic lawn jockey.

Wait, that can't be right. I know that my wife loves me and would never cheat on me. She would never do anything like that.

I still accused her of it though. As soon as I got home I asked what the hell she was watching when I was at work. Why did she need to get her kicks from some soft core garbage? Was I not man enough for her?

She denied it all also. So what is going on? I have my own little mystery going on at my house. I wish I was a better detective, cause I am out of leads and have no idea how to get anymore clues to this mystery.

Over the next four days I kept busy and eventually mostly forgot about the Lake Consequence Mystery. Until this afternoon. My wife came into work and tells me that another similar type movie is on the recently watched list at home. WTF!?!?! Now I look like the perv!!

Then my mind flashes to the day before when Dani and I were talking in our room and Robby had grabbed the Wii remote and was cruising through the Netflix just pushing buttons to turn it on and off. Flipping through all the available titles randomly and starting a few here and there. So the perv is my 21 month old. He is the one that was flipping through with the controller, just like he sees Mama and Dada, and turning on the soft core late night titles.

He might look innocent, but this is where he could end up.

I really hope that this isn't a sign of things to come.

Huggies Overnights

Small post, but I do have more to come.

I just want to let everyone know about Huggies Overnight diapers. They rock. My son would wake up early (and I mean early) every morning drenched because he diaper had burst and leaked all over his PJ's and bed. Not a good way to wake up, I don't care how old you are.

These new ones hold the pee pee and let Robby sleep until morning. I don't know what magic they add to these, but I give them the highest recommendation that I can. They work, and I love products that actually do what they say they are going to do. Thanks Huggies!

It's a Girl? maybe

This morning my wife started her 10th week of this second pregnancy, and according to the directions on the box of Boy or Girl? test we were ready to find out what we were really expecting. This is great for us because we are not patient people. (And if you have kept up my MIL is driving people crazy with "What do you think they are having? talk.)

Now I don't know how accurate this test is yet, but my wife saw it profiled on an episode of The Doctors so I'm guessing there is some science to it. Apparently it can analyze my wife's urine (pee-pee, piddle, tinkle, whatever you call it) and turns color according to if your having a boy or a girl.

First thing this morning she jumped up and locked herself in the bathroom. I really wasn't all that awake until she yelled "What time is it?" so that she would know when the 10 minutes were up. I set the timer on my iphone and the suspense began to build. I have really thought the entire time that we were having a girl. Not a doubt in my mind, until she asked me what time it was. Dani has always said that she needed a girl, kinda one of those complete you life things. And to be fair I have always thought that she would need a daughter also. Her family is very close knit and all the mothers and daughters have an incredible bond. But if this test came out boy, then I was probably looking at going through all this pregnancy mess again (Dani if your reading this, I know you have it WAY worse than I do, but I hope you get my point.) If this test says little girl, then it would be a choice to go for a third, not an absolute certainty.

I know it's not the best pic, but it was really early and I was excited!

As my phone started to marimba Dani ran to the test. She thought that it said girl, but wanted to know what I thought. I was thinking great! We bought this test and it is going to be undetermined, what a crock!! When I looked down what I saw was orangish fluid, which when compared to the label was a clear indication that I am going to have a daughter.

I didn't know what to feel. I was excited, happy, relieved and nervous. Then came the realization that I might become a crazy paranoid with a little girl. I am probably going to be the overprotective nosy dictator dad that you see on all those cheesy chick flicks, you know the one that gets screamed all sorts of horrible things by the daughter. That is going to kill me.

So please wish me luck through the rest of this journey and in another six weeks or so we will go get an ultrasound to confirm with this test. Who knows, maybe this is all hogwash and I have a little boy brewing away in there. God he'll be mad when he finds out he was supposed to be a girl now.

In MIL news, all this does is change "So what do you think their having?" to "What do you think they should name her?" I swear she is completely uncontrollable. Anyone know of any good loony bins, madhouse, sanatoriums, or mental hospitals for her?

Thieving Scoundrels

So just a quick story...

I went in to work the other day at the station and during the Giants game remembered that I had some Reese's Pieces up in our cupboard. I jumped up and threw open the door. There they were...with the top open. Upon further investigation I found one left in the box. An entire movie theatre style box of Reese's Pieces and there was a single piece left.

What I should have told you was that I bought the candies with the intention of leaving them in the cupboard and proving that someone would take them on my days off. I told one of my co-workers about my little plan and sure enough someone took and ate my treats.

Now I told you that story to tell you this one.

The thieves from the station returned to work and brought me replacement Pieces. I took and opened a box of them at home and had them on my night stand as I watched a show with Robby taking a nap. Later when he woke up I gave him a piece and watched him do a little happy dance as he discovered what was in that small candy shell. I put the box back on my nightstand and didn't think twice about it.

I went out and ran an errand for my MIL. While I was up at her house my wife calls and tells me that she caught our 19 month old with a box of candy. He climbed up and got the box of Pieces off of my night stand and polished them off...except for one single solitary Reese's Piece.

I couldn't believe it. Twice in one week I had a box of candy stolen and they left me a single piece in the box. Just sitting in there mocking me. No matter where I go it seems that I'm not supposed to have candy. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something...

Nap Wrestling

My son needs naps.

There is no way around this fact. He turns into a high pitched wailing tornado around 4 pm if he hasn't been put down for a siesta. I mean a F5 on the Fujita scale, ultimate devastation! Our living room can go from spotless to thrashed in less than a half hour. I don't even know how its possible. He's only 19 months old, where did he learn these techniques.

So in order to combat these afternoon meltdowns we use the time honored tradition of the Nap. The only problem with this is he isn't a fan. If you catch him on those rare occasions he will take a Baba and snuggle into my chest and drift off to dreamland. More than likely its going to go down with more punches, kicks and blood than a UFC pay per view. The only advantage I have is size and determination.

He is a dirty fighter too! Some of his favorite moves are the eye gouge, nut kick, and head butt. All of these pale in comparison to his last ditch effort, The Entire Face Scratch! He takes his fingers (this is most effective if he needs his nails trimmed, which seems to be every other day) and uses my face as his personal blackboard digging and pulling all the way down. It is every bit as painful as your imagining right now, and more so because he loves to insert those blades into every opening they can find along the way. Bloody noses lips and blurred vision are usually accompanied with his naps.

These are the moments that I wonder whose kid he really is? Or what is possessing him? I don't know whether to put him into a bear hug and hope it smothers him into sleep or toss him across the room and run for my life.

This is the moment when it's all worth it, and I've won!

After all of that I know victory is right around the corner when he puckers up for his nap time kiss. All the violence ends and he becomes my sweet little boy again. His eyes close with his long eye lashes fluttering for the last time and he snuggles in. I know that I've finally won when his quiet little snore begins to tickle my shoulder. In that moment, and for the next two hours usually, it was all worth it.

F Morning Sickness

I'm in a foul mood over this pregnancy so far. And foul is not what the F in the title stands for.

With our first child Dani (love of my life) did get morning sickness or at least she was nauseated most of her waking hours. This time around it is crippling her. She is doing her best to get through each day, but she is sick to her stomach all of the time. To be perfectly honest this is BS! Doesn't she have to go through enough without adding nausea to the list, and not just a little here and there but constantly all day long. Speaking of that, why is it called "morning sickness," it lasts from her waking moments until she crashes at night. After seeing her going through all that she had to with our first kid I find it hard to believe that there are families that have more than one child.

For me this is probably one of the most difficult parts of pregnancy. Not only is there nothing I can do to make her feel better, but I am the cause of what is hurting her. Direct cause and effect. Tab A into slot B. You know, I don't think I need to go any further into it than that. I spend my life trying to spare my family pain and here I've caused her weeks of pain and suffering.

But in the end when I get to hold that new little bundle...I hope that Dani forgives me and says that it was all worth it. Otherwise...well then it all goes back to that first F.