It's a Girl? maybe

This morning my wife started her 10th week of this second pregnancy, and according to the directions on the box of Boy or Girl? test we were ready to find out what we were really expecting. This is great for us because we are not patient people. (And if you have kept up my MIL is driving people crazy with "What do you think they are having? talk.)

Now I don't know how accurate this test is yet, but my wife saw it profiled on an episode of The Doctors so I'm guessing there is some science to it. Apparently it can analyze my wife's urine (pee-pee, piddle, tinkle, whatever you call it) and turns color according to if your having a boy or a girl.

First thing this morning she jumped up and locked herself in the bathroom. I really wasn't all that awake until she yelled "What time is it?" so that she would know when the 10 minutes were up. I set the timer on my iphone and the suspense began to build. I have really thought the entire time that we were having a girl. Not a doubt in my mind, until she asked me what time it was. Dani has always said that she needed a girl, kinda one of those complete you life things. And to be fair I have always thought that she would need a daughter also. Her family is very close knit and all the mothers and daughters have an incredible bond. But if this test came out boy, then I was probably looking at going through all this pregnancy mess again (Dani if your reading this, I know you have it WAY worse than I do, but I hope you get my point.) If this test says little girl, then it would be a choice to go for a third, not an absolute certainty.

I know it's not the best pic, but it was really early and I was excited!

As my phone started to marimba Dani ran to the test. She thought that it said girl, but wanted to know what I thought. I was thinking great! We bought this test and it is going to be undetermined, what a crock!! When I looked down what I saw was orangish fluid, which when compared to the label was a clear indication that I am going to have a daughter.

I didn't know what to feel. I was excited, happy, relieved and nervous. Then came the realization that I might become a crazy paranoid with a little girl. I am probably going to be the overprotective nosy dictator dad that you see on all those cheesy chick flicks, you know the one that gets screamed all sorts of horrible things by the daughter. That is going to kill me.

So please wish me luck through the rest of this journey and in another six weeks or so we will go get an ultrasound to confirm with this test. Who knows, maybe this is all hogwash and I have a little boy brewing away in there. God he'll be mad when he finds out he was supposed to be a girl now.

In MIL news, all this does is change "So what do you think their having?" to "What do you think they should name her?" I swear she is completely uncontrollable. Anyone know of any good loony bins, madhouse, sanatoriums, or mental hospitals for her?

Thieving Scoundrels

So just a quick story...

I went in to work the other day at the station and during the Giants game remembered that I had some Reese's Pieces up in our cupboard. I jumped up and threw open the door. There they were...with the top open. Upon further investigation I found one left in the box. An entire movie theatre style box of Reese's Pieces and there was a single piece left.

What I should have told you was that I bought the candies with the intention of leaving them in the cupboard and proving that someone would take them on my days off. I told one of my co-workers about my little plan and sure enough someone took and ate my treats.

Now I told you that story to tell you this one.

The thieves from the station returned to work and brought me replacement Pieces. I took and opened a box of them at home and had them on my night stand as I watched a show with Robby taking a nap. Later when he woke up I gave him a piece and watched him do a little happy dance as he discovered what was in that small candy shell. I put the box back on my nightstand and didn't think twice about it.

I went out and ran an errand for my MIL. While I was up at her house my wife calls and tells me that she caught our 19 month old with a box of candy. He climbed up and got the box of Pieces off of my night stand and polished them off...except for one single solitary Reese's Piece.

I couldn't believe it. Twice in one week I had a box of candy stolen and they left me a single piece in the box. Just sitting in there mocking me. No matter where I go it seems that I'm not supposed to have candy. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something...

Nap Wrestling

My son needs naps.

There is no way around this fact. He turns into a high pitched wailing tornado around 4 pm if he hasn't been put down for a siesta. I mean a F5 on the Fujita scale, ultimate devastation! Our living room can go from spotless to thrashed in less than a half hour. I don't even know how its possible. He's only 19 months old, where did he learn these techniques.

So in order to combat these afternoon meltdowns we use the time honored tradition of the Nap. The only problem with this is he isn't a fan. If you catch him on those rare occasions he will take a Baba and snuggle into my chest and drift off to dreamland. More than likely its going to go down with more punches, kicks and blood than a UFC pay per view. The only advantage I have is size and determination.

He is a dirty fighter too! Some of his favorite moves are the eye gouge, nut kick, and head butt. All of these pale in comparison to his last ditch effort, The Entire Face Scratch! He takes his fingers (this is most effective if he needs his nails trimmed, which seems to be every other day) and uses my face as his personal blackboard digging and pulling all the way down. It is every bit as painful as your imagining right now, and more so because he loves to insert those blades into every opening they can find along the way. Bloody noses lips and blurred vision are usually accompanied with his naps.

These are the moments that I wonder whose kid he really is? Or what is possessing him? I don't know whether to put him into a bear hug and hope it smothers him into sleep or toss him across the room and run for my life.

This is the moment when it's all worth it, and I've won!

After all of that I know victory is right around the corner when he puckers up for his nap time kiss. All the violence ends and he becomes my sweet little boy again. His eyes close with his long eye lashes fluttering for the last time and he snuggles in. I know that I've finally won when his quiet little snore begins to tickle my shoulder. In that moment, and for the next two hours usually, it was all worth it.

F Morning Sickness

I'm in a foul mood over this pregnancy so far. And foul is not what the F in the title stands for.

With our first child Dani (love of my life) did get morning sickness or at least she was nauseated most of her waking hours. This time around it is crippling her. She is doing her best to get through each day, but she is sick to her stomach all of the time. To be perfectly honest this is BS! Doesn't she have to go through enough without adding nausea to the list, and not just a little here and there but constantly all day long. Speaking of that, why is it called "morning sickness," it lasts from her waking moments until she crashes at night. After seeing her going through all that she had to with our first kid I find it hard to believe that there are families that have more than one child.

For me this is probably one of the most difficult parts of pregnancy. Not only is there nothing I can do to make her feel better, but I am the cause of what is hurting her. Direct cause and effect. Tab A into slot B. You know, I don't think I need to go any further into it than that. I spend my life trying to spare my family pain and here I've caused her weeks of pain and suffering.

But in the end when I get to hold that new little bundle...I hope that Dani forgives me and says that it was all worth it. Otherwise...well then it all goes back to that first F.

Monster-in-law and that question?

All married men have one of them. No matter what you do they lurk around, searching for a reason. A reason to invade and assault our children. I speak of the Mother-in-law. Those invading, instrusive, incessant monsters that trick you into thinking they are normal people right up until you slip a ring on their daughter's finger and they metamorphasize into baby hungry junkies fiending for a hit. And mine is their Queen.

Funny thing though? You give them what they ask for, and it only exacerbates the problem. They want more, more, more. "Two isn't enough. You guys need at least three." "Don't I make the cutest grandchildren?", and the focus of this "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

Unlike most couples that have a choice in whether they find out the sex of their baby during the pregnancy I don't. I would have to take my Monster-in-law out. As in whacked. Swimming with the fishes. She can't help herself. I truly think that she obsesses over what our baby is going to be. I walked in on her the other day with my wife laid out on the couch twirling a string over her belly. According to her you can tell the sex by the way the string turns. She also wants us to find some water witching wands that can tell if it's a boy or a girl. She consults the Chinese birthing calendar daily in attempts to ensure that it is what she thinks it is. OBSESSED, I tell you.

And look out if you cross her path during a grandchild's pregnancy because she is going to make you pick a side, Boy or Girl. If you claim that you don't know she will grab you by the neck, throw you up against the wall and hold you on your tip toe's until you make a choice. I don't really know why she needs everyone to make this decision, but she does.

So in order to make my MIL happy I am going on the record...It's a girl. I have no doubt about this and have found it hard to think of boy names in the week that we've known. A few weeks from now I  may be eating my words, but I have a strong inclination that we are having a daughter. Although I am just happy that our family is going to have a new member, boy or girl.

For those of you that may have been offended by my description of my Mother-in-law, you don't know her. Just kidding. She is on board and knows that I am going to be using parts of her personality in this blog. Truth is I do love her and I have one of the greatest MIL anyone could ask for. If she is guilty of anything it would be loving her grandchildren too much. That part of her being obsessed is all true, her reason for living really is those three (soon to be four) munchkins.

Here we go again!!

A little background to get us started.

I am a 32 year old father of an 18 month old that is the light in my life. He confirmed that I was always meant to be a father. I am also head over heels for the love of my life. She has been the biggest gift I have ever received in life and makes me a better man every day. Needless to say I am a family man and very proud of it.

Now that thats established. Two days ago my wife peed in a cup and dipped a stick. Two lines popped up and now I'm expecting my second child in 9 months...give or take a month. Funny how everything in you life can change with a little pee pee.

Life Changing

The first time those little lines appeared I wasn't even awake for it. My wife calls me at work and blurts out over the phone that we're pregnant. I had to leave the station (I work for the local fire department) and go see the stick for myself. I'll never forget the joy and fear that consumed me when I laid eyes on those two little lines. I don't know the first thing about being a father. What am I going to do with a little person depending on me all the time??

So now here we are with a little man, and another one on the way. I became inspired to start this as a way to try and remember all the hilarious things that my little creatures come up with. There are so many things that my son has done that have had me rolling on the floor crying with laughter. The problem is that I'm already starting to lose track of all of them.

Such as this doozy...Earlier I was talking about my wife peeing in a cup for the preggo test dip stick. Seeking a second opinion she dipped a second test also, in a new cup, cause we wouldn't want any cross contamination. Now I want you to get the full visual of what I'm talking about here, anyone that has been to a kegger knows the cups that I'm talking about. They are tall, red and plastic. Typical beer guzzlers. The second test was positive, just like the first (and not just a little positive. Those lines popped up like neon in Vegas baby!!) and the wife and I were laying on our bed talking about the change that just slapped up across the face. I think we had just resigned that our Mexican vacation was probably out the window since it will be around our due date when my son comes walking out of our bathroom, with both beer/pee pee cups acting like he's double fisting at a Chico State rager! I couldn't jump up and catch him fast enough as he high tailed it down the hall acting like he had to down them before a cop would pour it out on the street.

Funny thing about the whole thing is that we never leave our bathroom doors open. We know that he'll get into anything that isn't nailed down or under lock and key, and sometimes he can even get past the lock. How do they do that!?

Anyhow, that's us. Visit to find out some of our latest hijinks and watch as I try to learn to be a Dad.




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