Thieving Scoundrels

So just a quick story...

I went in to work the other day at the station and during the Giants game remembered that I had some Reese's Pieces up in our cupboard. I jumped up and threw open the door. There they were...with the top open. Upon further investigation I found one left in the box. An entire movie theatre style box of Reese's Pieces and there was a single piece left.

What I should have told you was that I bought the candies with the intention of leaving them in the cupboard and proving that someone would take them on my days off. I told one of my co-workers about my little plan and sure enough someone took and ate my treats.

Now I told you that story to tell you this one.

The thieves from the station returned to work and brought me replacement Pieces. I took and opened a box of them at home and had them on my night stand as I watched a show with Robby taking a nap. Later when he woke up I gave him a piece and watched him do a little happy dance as he discovered what was in that small candy shell. I put the box back on my nightstand and didn't think twice about it.

I went out and ran an errand for my MIL. While I was up at her house my wife calls and tells me that she caught our 19 month old with a box of candy. He climbed up and got the box of Pieces off of my night stand and polished them off...except for one single solitary Reese's Piece.

I couldn't believe it. Twice in one week I had a box of candy stolen and they left me a single piece in the box. Just sitting in there mocking me. No matter where I go it seems that I'm not supposed to have candy. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something...

Monster-in-law and that question?

All married men have one of them. No matter what you do they lurk around, searching for a reason. A reason to invade and assault our children. I speak of the Mother-in-law. Those invading, instrusive, incessant monsters that trick you into thinking they are normal people right up until you slip a ring on their daughter's finger and they metamorphasize into baby hungry junkies fiending for a hit. And mine is their Queen.

Funny thing though? You give them what they ask for, and it only exacerbates the problem. They want more, more, more. "Two isn't enough. You guys need at least three." "Don't I make the cutest grandchildren?", and the focus of this "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

Unlike most couples that have a choice in whether they find out the sex of their baby during the pregnancy I don't. I would have to take my Monster-in-law out. As in whacked. Swimming with the fishes. She can't help herself. I truly think that she obsesses over what our baby is going to be. I walked in on her the other day with my wife laid out on the couch twirling a string over her belly. According to her you can tell the sex by the way the string turns. She also wants us to find some water witching wands that can tell if it's a boy or a girl. She consults the Chinese birthing calendar daily in attempts to ensure that it is what she thinks it is. OBSESSED, I tell you.

And look out if you cross her path during a grandchild's pregnancy because she is going to make you pick a side, Boy or Girl. If you claim that you don't know she will grab you by the neck, throw you up against the wall and hold you on your tip toe's until you make a choice. I don't really know why she needs everyone to make this decision, but she does.

So in order to make my MIL happy I am going on the record...It's a girl. I have no doubt about this and have found it hard to think of boy names in the week that we've known. A few weeks from now I  may be eating my words, but I have a strong inclination that we are having a daughter. Although I am just happy that our family is going to have a new member, boy or girl.

For those of you that may have been offended by my description of my Mother-in-law, you don't know her. Just kidding. She is on board and knows that I am going to be using parts of her personality in this blog. Truth is I do love her and I have one of the greatest MIL anyone could ask for. If she is guilty of anything it would be loving her grandchildren too much. That part of her being obsessed is all true, her reason for living really is those three (soon to be four) munchkins.