Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Monster-in-law and that question?

All married men have one of them. No matter what you do they lurk around, searching for a reason. A reason to invade and assault our children. I speak of the Mother-in-law. Those invading, instrusive, incessant monsters that trick you into thinking they are normal people right up until you slip a ring on their daughter's finger and they metamorphasize into baby hungry junkies fiending for a hit. And mine is their Queen.

Funny thing though? You give them what they ask for, and it only exacerbates the problem. They want more, more, more. "Two isn't enough. You guys need at least three." "Don't I make the cutest grandchildren?", and the focus of this "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

Unlike most couples that have a choice in whether they find out the sex of their baby during the pregnancy I don't. I would have to take my Monster-in-law out. As in whacked. Swimming with the fishes. She can't help herself. I truly think that she obsesses over what our baby is going to be. I walked in on her the other day with my wife laid out on the couch twirling a string over her belly. According to her you can tell the sex by the way the string turns. She also wants us to find some water witching wands that can tell if it's a boy or a girl. She consults the Chinese birthing calendar daily in attempts to ensure that it is what she thinks it is. OBSESSED, I tell you.

And look out if you cross her path during a grandchild's pregnancy because she is going to make you pick a side, Boy or Girl. If you claim that you don't know she will grab you by the neck, throw you up against the wall and hold you on your tip toe's until you make a choice. I don't really know why she needs everyone to make this decision, but she does.

So in order to make my MIL happy I am going on the record...It's a girl. I have no doubt about this and have found it hard to think of boy names in the week that we've known. A few weeks from now I  may be eating my words, but I have a strong inclination that we are having a daughter. Although I am just happy that our family is going to have a new member, boy or girl.

For those of you that may have been offended by my description of my Mother-in-law, you don't know her. Just kidding. She is on board and knows that I am going to be using parts of her personality in this blog. Truth is I do love her and I have one of the greatest MIL anyone could ask for. If she is guilty of anything it would be loving her grandchildren too much. That part of her being obsessed is all true, her reason for living really is those three (soon to be four) munchkins.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Here we go again!!

A little background to get us started.

I am a 32 year old father of an 18 month old that is the light in my life. He confirmed that I was always meant to be a father. I am also head over heels for the love of my life. She has been the biggest gift I have ever received in life and makes me a better man every day. Needless to say I am a family man and very proud of it.

Now that thats established. Two days ago my wife peed in a cup and dipped a stick. Two lines popped up and now I'm expecting my second child in 9 months...give or take a month. Funny how everything in you life can change with a little pee pee.
Life Changing
The first time those little lines appeared I wasn't even awake for it. My wife calls me at work and blurts out over the phone that we're pregnant. I had to leave the station (I work for the local fire department) and go see the stick for myself. I'll never forget the joy and fear that consumed me when I laid eyes on those two little lines. I don't know the first thing about being a father. What am I going to do with a little person depending on me all the time??

So now here we are with a little man, and another one on the way. I became inspired to start this as a way to try and remember all the hilarious things that my little creatures come up with. There are so many things that my son has done that have had me rolling on the floor crying with laughter. The problem is that I'm already starting to lose track of all of them.

Such as this doozy...Earlier I was talking about my wife peeing in a cup for the preggo test dip stick. Seeking a second opinion she dipped a second test also, in a new cup, cause we wouldn't want any cross contamination. Now I want you to get the full visual of what I'm talking about here, anyone that has been to a kegger knows the cups that I'm talking about. They are tall, red and plastic. Typical beer guzzlers. The second test was positive, just like the first (and not just a little positive. Those lines popped up like neon in Vegas baby!!) and the wife and I were laying on our bed talking about the change that just slapped up across the face. I think we had just resigned that our Mexican vacation was probably out the window since it will be around our due date when my son comes walking out of our bathroom, with both beer/pee pee cups acting like he's double fisting at a Chico State rager! I couldn't jump up and catch him fast enough as he high tailed it down the hall acting like he had to down them before a cop would pour it out on the street.

Funny thing about the whole thing is that we never leave our bathroom doors open. We know that he'll get into anything that isn't nailed down or under lock and key, and sometimes he can even get past the lock. How do they do that!?

Anyhow, that's us. Visit to find out some of our latest hijinks and watch as I try to learn to be a Dad.




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